I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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