it wasn't lemon gatorade
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
