My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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