Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
