i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
