You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize
