From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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