proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
