The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Randomize
