that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize