I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Randomize