I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Randomize
