Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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