and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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