last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
