I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize