I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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