I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
