They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
