Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
