2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
