arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
