My hand turned me down
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
