Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
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