Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
