i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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