sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
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