I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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