i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
