Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
