so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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