Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
