remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
