Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Dick very happy bro
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
