I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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