Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
