I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
