What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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