I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
