Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
