Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
