I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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