She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
