I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
