ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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