Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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