You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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