I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
