girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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