Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
