I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
