He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
