She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
i need to put some appletini on your dick
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
