How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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