Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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