lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
