i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Banned from zoo.
Again?
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
