dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
