Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
