OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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