Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Randomize
