How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
