Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
