He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
