Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
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